It’s not because I don’t like these people, or don’t want to interact with people my age. My reasoning is simple to me but it’s not understood easily by my peers.
It’s a two step answer: I don’t know how to have fun and I don’t think I deserve it.
What is "fun"? I seriously have NO idea. If you ask my friends, or family I have a very outgoing, vivacious attitude. I LOVE to laugh and I'm always smiling. It appears that I am always having "fun". What my friends and family don’t know is that I'm addicted to writing "lol" (laugh out loud) and other acronyms for laughing. I used them in at least EVERY text, email, status or message that I send. I learned that not writing this can make me appear to be unfriendly and rude, and those are the two things that I dread in people the most. I’ve also adopted this method when speaking. I use my eyes and coy smiles to insinuate that I am amused by whomever I’m conversing with. When in reality I probably writing down in my head the days events. What my family and friends also don’t know is that I smile so much because I remember in a middle school science class that it takes more muscles to frown than to smile. To me this meant premature frown lines and aging! As a preteen this shouldn’t have been concerned but I was, and I am also obsessed with how I will age (I constantly check to see if I have furrow lines in my forehead from raising my eyebrows too much-I don’t).
In conjunction with my superficial reasoning’s for appearing to be a happy person, always having "fun" there is a slightly deeper reason. I don’t know how to have fun. People my age say fun is: going out, partying, getting drunk, smoking weed. NONE of these things appeal to me, at all. I’ve never drunk anything alcoholic and cigarettes and weed seem like gateway drugs to cocaine/heroine/pcp (or whatever else they are showcasing on "Intervention"). Going out is strictly a fashion show, to me, that I attend once a season. I strictly go out because I enjoy getting dressed clothes I wouldn’t wear on a normal basis, to seem my age.
Being that I had my "future" set out for me earlier than my peers my parents had me focus on my career wayyyy before anyone my age could imagine what college they would be going to. So while they were figuring out what "fun" was I was attending night classes at a local community college with 40 something’s studying for a state regulated test for my real estate license. Needless to say I missed out on what a normal teenager would have had the ability to enjoy. My father always reminded me (when I would beg to go to a football game, or a house party) that I was "traveling the road not taken" so I had to do what my peers weren’t doing in order to get where I was going, the
Don’t get me wrong, I'm not a hopeless female, destined to become the "Crazy Cat Lady". I do have what I imagine is fun, which is true laughter and smiles at the expense of my family and true friends. Which is typically an inside the home event. Excluding people I don’t know, who don’t understand that when I REALLY laugh I throw my head back with my mouth wide open and occasionally snort, oppose to snickering with my dainty fingers covering my slightly gapped mouth. There is a BIG difference!
The second reason for me not wanting to go out and have "fun" is because I don’t think I deserve it. Going "out" to me seems like a celebration for getting a promotion, having a birthday, and [for me] closing a sale! So if I'm ALWAYS going out I'm mini-celebrating things that I have not accomplished. It makes no sense to me to partake in it. In this business you have to be self driven, and if I'm only driving myself to the club I can only look forward to being given a free entrance "before 11 o’clock". That’s about the only thing I can gain from that.
So I will tell you all like I told Courtney, "I'm not going out until I clear a Million in Sales." in my new neighborhood. Doesn’t that sound difficult?? Well in reality, it’s only about 4 or 5 homes. I’ve already pledged to sell 2 homes this month, which seems like an obtainable goal IF I get FULLY assimilated into my model. (I’m still without a few things, which will take a week or two to get in.)
All in all I’m enjoying the neighborhood. It keeps me busy enough that I'm not taking a nap, or going on celebrity blog spots but it also allows for time to sit back and breathe...